


Perfect Illusion

by MissKittyFantastico



Series: Sami Zayn's Full Color Odds and Ends [7]
Category: World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Angst, Break Up, F/M, Prequel, Scott Pilgrim AU, Self-Reflection, flight home
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-04
Updated: 2017-02-04
Packaged: 2018-09-21 22:34:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9569702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissKittyFantastico/pseuds/MissKittyFantastico
Summary: Long before Toronto, Becky was in love. Then it all fell apart.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Trying to knock out a bunch of the shorter stories I have planned for the Odds and Ends series right now. This one was one of the first I thought of and started on, but one of the hardest to finish. Becky in "Sami Zayn vs. The World" was how I worked through some things and it's just as true here.

The flight back from Japan was expensive, long, and painful.

Becky tried to sleep, but every close attempt over the course of twelve hours was met with nightmares. Of failure. Of regrets.

Of Finn. _Fergal._

She was on the verge of tears. On the verge of screaming. On the verge of breaking.

She constantly asked herself how she could be so dumb. How she couldn’t see that Fergal didn’t love her. At least not in the way she loved him.

Becky had known him for years. Some of her earliest memories were trying to chase him around her garden as fast as her legs could carry her as their parents chatted inside. He was probably entirely too old to play with her, but he always indulged her.

Indulgment. That was probably the word that best described their relationship. She was always smitten and Fergal, always too nice and shy, would never say anything about what was bothering him.

She had left him in the back of her mind as a childhood crush as she had gotten older and began bartending around Dublin, but then he came back after everything went south with Adrian and every stupid feeling came back. What's worse is that every stupid feeling _grew._

“You know I’ve always liked you, right,” she asked that one fateful night as he sat morose at the bar, still getting over Adrian.

“Yeah, me too,” Fergal had muttered into his beer.

“No, I mean… _liked_ you.”

Slowly, his eyes went wide at her confession. _“Oh.”_

“Forget it,” Becky sighed as she went back to pouring drinks for other regulars at the bar. “Just thought I’d tell you, y’know? Maybe it makes you feel better that someone likes you. Or something.”

Fergal watched her as she did, an apologetic look in his eyes. Becky never remembered the finite details of how they went home together that night, besides sharing a kiss behind the bar as she cleaned up for the night. But one night turned to another, then another, and then several more. Before she knew it, it felt like a relationship and she slipped in, letting herself fall.

That was clearly a mistake.

She had rewound the moment she told Fergal that she loved him, upon the shores of Bray where he gave her his jacket after she jumped in fully clothed to the water, not realizing how cold it would be. Becky used to think that was the most romantic moment of her life, but now she picked it apart, trying to remember if she saw any doubt in Fergal’s eyes or a quaver in his voice. Something that indicated that the “I love you too” that followed was a lie.

Then it was six months in Glasgow, serving drinks and delivering messages on bikes as they raised enough money to live that dream of living in Japan. They had both dreamt of it as kids, and it was so exciting that they could live it out together. And sure, things could get rough, but they could work through it. They were strong enough. She believed that.

Fat lot of good that did her.

“Fergal, why won’t you tell me what’s bothering you instead of standing there and staring at every damn thing like you can’t make up your mind,” she had shouted as they left the convenience store and walked back to their apartment. He was walking ahead of her, not looking back. He always did that when he was upset. Like he couldn’t face what was bugging him.

“It’s nothing, don’t worry about it,” he hissed back, still refusing to look at her as he approached the front of their building.

“It’s not nothing. Something has been bothering you since we landed,” Becky said as she grabbed him by the arm. “Stop lying to me and tell me.”

“I DON’T KNOW,” he shouted, turning back on her. Becky jumped back, surprised that he had even raised his voice to begin with. Fergal gasped and shrunk back on himself. “I… I don’t know. I don’t know what I want. I don’t know anything.”

Something about that began to rattle at Becky. “What are you saying?”

Fergal bit at his lip and walked into the building. “Maybe we should go inside…”

There was a part of Becky, still wanting to be naive that wish she hadn’t followed him back inside. That she didn’t have to hear Fergal tell her that he didn’t love her in the same way she loved him. That she didn’t have to cry and scream herself hoarse as she picked the two years they had together apart. That she didn’t have to see him cry too. That she could have a few seconds left in the lights of Tokyo, still in a relationship. Still in love.

But if not that moment to fall down the hole, when?

She packed the important things, and left with the smallest goodbye. Every step of the way to the airport, there was part of her that wished to turn back. To return to that tiny apartment and make everything okay again. To beg for love. To try and make something that couldn’t work functional.

Becky pressed forward instead, but still felt like she was losing.

“Ma’am, do you need anything,” the stewardess asked gently as they re-entered Irish airspace.

Becky shook herself out of her half-sleep, wiping at her eyes and sniffing. She shook her head. “No, I… I don’t really know what I need right now.”

The stewardess nodded and walked away, but Becky could see the pity in her eyes. She sighed as she opened the shade on the window, looking out at the ocean below, praying for some sort of answer to come to her lips before she landed and had to explain to everyone around her why she ran back home.

Stupid Fergal. Stupid love. Stupid everything.


End file.
